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Artificial Light

by Kingdom Saps

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1.
Spotting on a dark night, alone on a shore A string of bright flashes, somewhere on the water or in the nearly-perfect dark of the horizon. Well, what am I to do but go off and try to find them? I thought I was a million miles from home but the stars are only the ones I already know… oh well. I turn the flash of my cellphone into an impromptu lighthouse. I’m a beacon and I flicker; couple times, on and out. Either I’m too weak to reach or the other side don’t see me, don’t need me. But I’ll try again. I’ll try again. I thought I was a million miles from home, but the stars are only the ones I already know— but something brighter—I think—I’m sure— I’ve seen it before. Mysterious light shines on the water like the moon, but it seems too pure. It gets closer and it gets closer and it gets closer and it flies overhead.
2.
I don't feel that good, in general. I never learned how to behave. I always go too far for forgiveness. I always know you already gave me so many options towards recovery. I'd better learn it for myself: I'm not alone in this entirely. Why (out of love?) do I try so hard to hide genuine affection? I talk to other people's dogs more than my therapist, I talk to my therapist more than my parents. I don't know who I think I am in this, how can I practise self-awareness? Give me a shoulder, I'll take the whole arm. I like to share when I do myself harm. The love that I have I think I deserve, so why, from love, do I work so hard to burn genuine affection?

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released March 25, 2020

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Kingdom Saps Brooklyn, New York

Music for the hours between 11pm and 4am.

Brooklyn, unambitious.

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